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"What are you, the chancellor of pants now?"
–Tights-wearing friend
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Mutual Friend:
Want some caramel popcorn?
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Friend:
Oh no thanks, I don't like caramel.
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Mutual Friend:
I could lick the caramel off for you…
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Friend:
Oh wow saliva popcorn! That's so much better.
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"Yep. I stared at it with intent. I was focused. That is anatomically correct. Lynn can’t say, ‘You just schlopped on the penis’."
–Art Student
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"They have prisons in Norway? I thought there were just big fields with some huts and shit."
–Friend
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"(In reference to handheld vacuums) $219 for 6 minutes of suction. I can get more usage out of Carl for that.
-Yep. Constant suction without interruption."
–Two coworkers bantering about expensive vacuums
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"This is wrong. I’m not sure how yet."
–Coworker
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"Once you leave your house, you’re subject to people."
–Coworker
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"I have selective heeheehearing!"
–Friend with selective hearing
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"You’re boring. Why do I clean your poo?"
–Friend Referring To Her Cat
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"Civilizations would crumble if I was this awesome all the time."
–Coworker that made a valid point in a discussion
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